That Christmas is not a favorite of mine. I would personally prefer not to celebrate it all and just skip to the new year without the fanfare. I've written about it before, but I'm too lazy to show the links of it. Lets just say that December has not been a kind month to my family. Its been filled with strife and a multitude of deaths (actually three deaths, but isn't that a multitude when those deaths were a father, a mother, and a beloved corgi?). December sucks for us. I'm sorry, it just sucks.
I can't find joy in Christmas for the past 10 years (at least). I want to feel joy but who can find it in what has gone on for several of those years in the past few years? I want to get excited about seeing Christmas decorations before the Thanksgiving holiday but for the most part I just want to wrap myself up in a cocoon and start the new year with fresh start, oblivious to what may or may not have occurred leading up to December 25th.
And then we have this year. Really, how could it have happened? It surely wasn't something I wanted to encounter or be involved in. I wanted to sweep the holidays under the rug. But I found myself with an 11 year old young lady, a step grand daughter, who loves Christmas and still believes in Santa. She joyfully announced the other day "its 45 days until Christmas." I wanted to scream "NO......" but I didn't. I said "that's great."
I tried to match her enthusiasm. I said later on in the shopping adventure "we'll make cookies" to which she replied "gingerbread cookies, we'll leave some for Santa". I never made gingerbread cookies. I was thinking sugar cookies. If you have made gingerbread cookies, let me in on your secret. I really need to know how to accomplish this.
There is talk of stockings and such, talk of trees and such.
I just cannot do it.
I really can't.
But yet I need to.
I need to keep the spirit of Christmas alive for her.
I need to put up a Christmas tree (Oh Lord, please no, I really don't want too, just show me that one that looks cool and doesn't cost a lot)
I need to fill those stockings that will be hung by the wall with care (no mantle in which to do so, but stockings will be hung).
I need to model Christmas of my youth here this year.
Frankly, I'm not sure I can do so.
Yet I must.
Help me and encourage me. Help me to see the joy of Christmas when really i want to ignore it all.
Help me to see and model some Christmas joy.
I covet what you will share with me.