a bench with a view

a bench with a view

Monday, January 5, 2015

He lived his dash much loved

I cannot put this off any longer than I have already put it off and please forgive me that I didn't say anything sooner.  When it happened, it was December 23rd, too close to Christmas to really want to say anything and dampen anyone's Christmas joy. And too busy afterwards and then not the best internet or keyboard to write on. Finally today hubby is getting his pre employment physical and I'm using his laptop.

There is no easy way to say this so I'll just go ahead and say it.

We had to put Koda to sleep on December 23rd.  Totally unexpected at the time, but in looking back, what we thought was his age and his blindness, was that cancer coming back.  And boy did it come back.  Aggressive and with a vengeance.

He had that checkup in October with the swollen gland and there were no cancer cells.  

Somewhere between then and December 23rd the lymphoma returned.  I won't go into all the "gory" details, but he was a sick pup.  The vet said she didn't think he was in pain, but that he just didn't feel well.  

We could have started chemo again, but we had said we wouldn't if the lymphoma returned.  We could have bought him maybe 2 weeks up to 2 months.  

But we knew that wouldn't be fair to him.  Traveling to a new house, new state, new vet, etc., for just a "temporary" fix. The lymphoma was going to kill him and kill him soon.

So we made the tough decision no pet owner wants to make, but the decision so many do.  

We were devastated of course, but know and trust in God's perfect timing.  It would have been hard for Koda to adapt to a new house blind. We were also wondering how he would do on the drive over.  

We will always miss him and think of him with fondness and love.  We have decided though not to get another dog for at least a year. We did not mind taking care of him, giving him his twice a day insulin shots, etc., but we decided to take a break from having any pets while we adjust to Arizona.

I wrote this in my journal 2 days after he died.

Koda 12/1/2004 to 12/23/2014.

He lived his dash lovingly, loyally, contentedly, spunkily, spoily, food drivenly.

He brought joy, love, laughs to his family and friends,

He will always be loved, always be missed.

Thank you Lord for the wonderful gift you gave us in Koda.  It was our privilege to have him in our family and to lovingly take care of him.

Thank you Koda for being such a special dog.


56 comments:

Hollie said...

Oh my goodness, I'm sitting here squalling like a baby!! I'm so sorry for your loss!! I wonder myself if this will be the same road we will be going down in the future as you know our Mattie has diabetes now. She is on the two insulin shots a day herself!! (((HUGS))) I know you miss him terribly!! Praying the your hearts will heal!!!

Paula Kaye said...

Oh Betty I am so so sorry! I know how much Koda was loved and I know that your and your husband's hearts are breaking. God Bless you both!!

TARYTERRE said...

RIP Koda. You will be missed for sure. I'm glad I got to know you here. I know how difficult the holidays and this move must have been for your momma and dadda losing such a dear, dear friend. In time the hurt will heal and the memories will carry you through. You have my deepest condolences.

Melanie said...

Oh, I am sorry, Betty! What a sweet boy he was and so well loved. Will pray for you and your husband. Take care. (((Warm Hugs)))

TBR/Committed Thoughts said...

I have tears...I truly know your pain.

Praying for all your new experiences...I just know 2015 will be the best year you've ever had.

Mevely317 said...

Oh Betty, my heart is hurting for you! I love what you wrote in his journal. Were all pups so lucky to be loved the way you loved him! Unfortunately, I know that pain all too well; but sure respect you putting your own feelings aside for the little guy's sake.

Jerralea said...

So so sorry to hear of your loss.

You truly wrote a fitting tribute. May we all be able to say we lived our dash as well loved as Koda!

Pat Hatt said...

Always hard to lose a pet, as they sure are a member of the family. But yeah drawing it out would have been worse for him. Sorry for your loss, but he was sure given a great life.

Sue Elvis said...

Betty,

You must miss Koda so much. I'm so sorry. I have only been reading your blog for a few months but even in that short time Koda has become a friend. I know he was loved so much by you and your husband, and your readers as well. I pray the empty spot in your heart heals, filled maybe with all the happy memories you must have of your years with Koda. God bless!

Intense Guy said...

RIP Koda. You made a lot of friends here and were loved more than you ever knew. Enjoy the uplifting beauty that is heaven ... we hope to see you agian when it is time.

Tracy said...

Our pets bring a brightness to our lives that seems to dampen once they are gone. I am sorry for your loss but you have so many wonderful memories to think about.

Jeanie said...

I am so sorry, Betty. You gave Koda a very good life and made the right choices for him at the end of it. With Koda you had the best of what can be between a person and a beloved pet.

susie said...

So sorry, Betty.

Stew Adams said...

What a great 10 years for him to share with you. I'm so sorry for your loss and still excited for your new adventures in Arizona. It will be different in your new place without him.

rmslil said...

What a great life you gave Koda. I am praying for you and your hubby as you adjust. Our furbabies are our family. Hugs and loves.

Sharon said...

In your last post, you intimated something about sad things happening. At the time, I had a sinking feeling that it was Koda. I cannot tell you the sorrow that I feel at this very sad news. Oh Betty, my heart just grieves.

Somehow I feel, though, that God has a wonderful plan for these dear animals that have brought us so many lessons about love, loyalty, devotion, and joy. Billy Graham had this to say: "God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there."

I take great comfort and hope in that statement.

May the Lord who bandages our wounds and restores our crushed spirits be especially close to you and your family as you grieve during this sad time. But, I also celebrate with you the wonderful remembrance of a boy named Koda.

GOD BLESS!

Robyn :) said...

I am so sorry Betty. You made the best decision for him and now he is running free, no pain. It hurts on this side,though, I know. He was a much loved dog.

lyndagrace said...

Aww, so sad. I’m very sorry to hear about Koda. May he rest in peace.

Stephanie Faris said...

Aww. This brought tears to my eyes. :-( My parents went through this with their Corgi last year...it's just heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. My mother-in-law posted this on someone's Facebook feed and I think it's one of the best poems I've read about our fur babies.

A Pet's Peace
by Tracy M. Johnson

I have left you now, but please don't be sad,
you gave me all the love you had.
You did so much for me in my time here
and i'll always hold those precious times near.

I know someday you'll find love again
and into your life will come a new friend.
Your heart will heal, though you'll never forget
memories like the first time we met.

Memories are wonderful, so keep them close
and remember all the good times the most.
Up in the Heaven for animals is where i'll be
and someday in the future, each other we'll see.

I am at PEACE now, so please don't be sad
You gave me all the love you had.

yaya said...

Meeting Koda here on your blog was a pleasure. I'm so sorry for your loss. Koda was a lucky pup to have such good owners..the love he gave back can't be measured. Hugs and prayers to you.

Joanne Noragon said...

And bless you for taking such good care of him for ten years. They do manage to own us in the end, all the harder.

Megan Whitson Lee said...

Oh, I'm SO sorry. It's really hard to know what to say during times like these. You may remember that my little girl, Tessa, died of lymphoma last November and it broke my heart. I completely understand the need to wait for new companions, and they won't replace Koda, but if you decide to bring on another friend sometime in the future, you will salute Koda's memory and the joy he brough to your life. I'm so sad for you, but Koda is running free now...

joan said...

I'm so, so sorry... Koda was a loyal and loving member of your family. I cannot imagine how empty his space feels now. You're in my thoughts...

Birgit said...

No words can describe the pain. It is so tough no matter what their age. It is hard to see them suffer but also hard to let them go and see them go. My heart will always miss my Katie girl. How does one find comfort? Each person is different but it was nice to have my hubby with me. You have gone through a major move and so much upheaval. You need time to heal all wounds and become accustomed to your new surroundings. One thing I did was make a little scrapbook of Katie. I wrote about her favourite toys and funny things she did, the foods she loved and what she didn't like. It was comforting. I didn't do it right away but I did and I shed many tears but it felt good after. All my prayers to you

Funny in My Mind said...

Even though you told me this last week, it still made me cry today. Thinking about you!

Liz A. said...

I'm so sorry. That had to have been rough. But it must have been the right time. It would have been hard for Koda to get used to a new home.

Nel said...

So sorry Betty! But the good memories will bring you many smiles in years to come! Praying for you and your hubby!
until next time...nel

joeh said...

I am so sad to hear this.

Veronica Lee said...

Oh Betty I am so so sorry! My heart breaks for you - Koda had also become part of our lives via your blog.

RIP Koda.

(((((hugs))))))

Linda Reynolds said...

I'm so sorry... I'll miss Koda... Hugs to you.......

salemslot9 said...

he makes you think
all the world’s
a sunny day

oh yeah

don’t take my
Kodachrome away...

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Life is full of unexpected turn of events for sure. You were blessed to have had Koda in you life. I know how much he meant to you. I'm so sorry that this had to happen, especailly with moving and all. I think we all felt a connection with Koda. You shared so much of his life with us. Thankfully you do have a lot of good memories of him and thanks to you so do I.

Bijoux said...

I'm sorry for the loss of your sweet, sweet Koda.

Linda said...

Remembering the cute photos and stories, including a popcorn trick. Sorry for your loss, I know Koda was very much loved. Trusting in God's timing. Take care.

Verna Lantz said...

(((hugs))) I am so sorry for your loss.

Cindi said...

Ah, I'm so sorry my friend. Wishing Koda could have made the trip to AZ. You shared so many sweet, ornery stories of you beloved pet, that many of us have grown to love him as well. Know that he touched many hearts. I will miss sending him ear scratches. ((hugs))

Cindi said...

Ah, I'm so sorry my friend. Wishing Koda could have made the trip to AZ. You shared so many sweet, ornery stories of you beloved pet, that many of us have grown to love him as well. Know that he touched many hearts. I will miss sending him ear scratches. ((hugs))

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I am so sorry....((HUGS)) Our dogs are family and the pain when they leave us is unbearable. My heart aches with you.
I love what you wrote in your journal.
Beautiful words for beautiful Koda.

netablogs said...

Oh, Betty, so sorry to hear about Koda. Hugs to you! Yes, that's always such a tough decision. Your dog had many happy years with you..you gave him that gift! Hope you will be comforted by the many happy memories of having Koda in your family!

Carol Noren Johnson said...

A very unusual Christmas for you--grieving, but not ready to share it--yet looking forward to a new place in Arizona. How privileged we all were to learn about Koda.

We were going to wait a while when we had to put Woofii to sleep, but five days later we had Ziggy and so glad my husband had Ziggy early in the Alzheimer's diagnosis to be his companion.

Glad you have a new place to forge new memories and so look forward to your telling about a new pup when you get ready to get one. Also praying for a special church and friends in Arizona to make you feel welcome.

Hugs,
Carol

Melanie said...

Aw, I am so sorry.

Chatty Crone said...

Oh my gosh my heart hurts - for you and for me. I loved him too. I am so sorry.

SweetMarie said...

Dear Betty, as I sit here I have tears streaming down my face. I was so afraid to read this post because your last post mentioned some sad news. this is so sad...every time I see a Corgi I think of Koda and always will. Please feel my hug that I'm sending you. I'm so sorry for your loss. I love Koda and will always remember him.
Marie

Danielle L Zecher said...

Oh, Betty, I am so, so sorry. That is one of the hardest decisions to make. It sounds like you did the right thing, even if it was the hard thing. I am so sorry. It sounds like Koda had an amazing life with you. Emma and Duke send wags and licks your way.

Bobbi and Gracie said...

Oh Betty! I am so very sorry!! How heartbreaking this must have been for you. (((HUG)))

Linda said...

Wow, there's a nice new view, it's snowing! I'm sure Koda is on your mind on your walks. My mom has the ashes of her beloved cat on her dresser, with orders that that they go with her. Hope things are going well otherwise.

sage said...

Sorry for your loss--it is difficult to make such decisions and pets do become a part of our lives.

Kat said...

Oh no. I am so sorry for your loss. He was a much loved member of your family and I know the void is great. I truly am sorry.

I know you did the right and compassionate thing. I can't imagine such a sick dog trying to make the trip and adjust to a new home. That would have been torturous. You did the right thing, though I know that doesn't offer much comfort.

God bless dear Koda.

Jen Forbes said...

So sad to hear this news. Our pets really are members of our family aren't they. I know you're going to miss him very much.

Deanna said...

My heart breaks for you. After losing our little Whiskey last summer, I know the pain and heartbreak only too well

MS said...

I am so sorry to hear your news. Our pets become so close to us. I am glad I got to meet Koda during the A to Z Challenge last year.

Mary

LynnMarie said...

OH MY! What a terrible way to end the year. I'm so very sorry for you. Living the dash is important. He sure did fit your life and your family. He will forever be in your lives.

Secret Agent Woman said...

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear that. I know Koda meant the world to you.

Juli G said...

(((HUGS)))

I am so sorry.

Mary said...

Oh, Betty. My heart dropped when I read that you had to put Koda to sleep. I am so sorry.

Betty W said...

Oh Betty! I'm so sorry! I have been a bad blog reader and just now, after I read your comment on my blog I am catching up on yours too. So much has happened! We too, had to make the same decision with our last dog. It really is hard, but I think you did the right thing.
And you moved! I haven't read back far enough to find out yet, where to, but I hope you are doing well and adjusting to the new surroundings. I am back and will be reading again! Hugs!!