a bench with a view

a bench with a view

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

breakups

Son and girlfriend broke up over the summer.  It really doesn't matter who initiated the breakup, its a fascinating story and I might share it one day, but regardless, they are no longer together.  This is the third time they broke up in their 3 year relationship, but I think this is the one that is going to take, in the sense that the other 2 breakups they agreed to "stay together" and try to work it out, whatever that meant.   This time, there was no such agreement.

I think it is a good thing. Actually, I'm ecstatic about it.  Its not that I didn't like her, she was a personable person, who like the most of us, had her faults.  He has his faults, I'm sure more than hers. 

They just weren't good together, if that makes sense. 

I have prayed during his last two serious relationships God's best for the two of them.  I only want God's best for son and the woman he is involved in and if neither one of them are God's best for each other, then I don't want the relationship. 

I can only think that she was not God's best for him and he was not God's best for her.

Of course there are loose ends in breaking off such a relationship.  Against my advice, he and her had gotten a cell phone plan together a few years back; not sure what is going to happen to that as they just renewed it this past January.  That's for them to sort out.

Then there is the issue of her little girl, who was 6 months old when the two of them met.  As they were one time contemplating marriage, she wanted him to be fully committed to not only her but to help raise her child(ren) and to be like a daddy to them to the extent of them calling him dad.  It took him a bit of thinking to see if he wanted to be that committed, but did agree and took on what I consider an exemplary role of fathering, especially when he was not there all the time and she would often go against the discipline she wanted him to do.  Things he worked on when they were together would be lost when they weren't together.  But the wee one was used to calling him "daddy," which I knew would be a problem if they ever broke up.  I feel for her because she doesn't understand this all and I wonder what she will think at her young age when another man is presented as daddy, but that is for her mom to work out and explain. 

Then there is the issue, not much of a one, but she had been part of son's life for 3 years.  We spent holidays together, other times together, was led to believe she possibly would be our daughter-in-law. Now she is "out of the picture" so to speak and we didn't get a chance to say goodbye, to wrap up loose ends, to have closure.  I would have liked to at least say "good luck and take care of yourself." 

I would like to hope son waits a bit before he starts dating again and prays for God's best for him.  I know I'll be doing that and will just trust in God.......

27 comments:

TARYTERRE said...

Closure is important. I hope you get that.

Sharon said...

Oh Betty. I can only say that I totally understand. It is hard when we ourselves get attached to someone that has been a part of our children's lives, and when their good-bye becomes ours by default. But, I know that you're trusting that this is God's best answer. I will pray for the little girl involved. Whatever happens, it sounds like your son will do the right thing.

Trusting God with you in the tough stuff.

GOD BLESS!

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry. I hope there is a way for you to have closure. Could you write her?

Bijoux said...

I remember my MIL saying that the break ups were just as hard on her. I haven't had to face any of this yet, although my oldest has her first serious boyfriend now, so we shall see.

I feel sorry for the child involved. Ugh on the cell phone plan.

Jeanie said...

Any breakup is hard and all the family connections just make it even harder. I hope you can find a way that is okay with your son for you to say your goodbye.

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Breakups are hard on everyone, not just the couple involved. One of my sons divorced not just once but twice and is married for the 3rd time. I have grandchildren from both marriages that I never see. That is mostly due to the distance they live away from here. It is hard on the children and I don't know if they ever understand what happened.

Joanne Noragon said...

There are a couple of generations of children who don't know the leave it to Beaver home we generally knew, and probably raised our children in. Frankly, it's not good. I am caring, permanently, for three such children now. Grandchildren. They are lovely children. I am happy to have them. Nevertheless, this is the rest of my life.

Pat Hatt said...

Poor kid gets the brunt of it, hard all around though. 3 years is a long time, but if it's not right it's not right.

jack69 said...

Ahhh, breakups are so sad. And I and most parents have done exactly what youhave in a relationship we felt would come to a bad ending. I too hope the best for your son.
Last night as I tucked Sherry in Bed, I said, "I have always dreamed my sons would be as happy, lucky and blessed as I am, but it seems never to be."

Yes all our kids have their personal traits and problems, the trick is for young folk to learn to deal with theirs and the one they chose as a partner.

Good entry my friend, very good.

Shelly said...

Breakups are always hard. I hope the best for all involved, particularly the little girl.

The Brown Recluse said...

One thing I know is that small kids are resilient...and that's a real good thing. The child will be fine...and son will, too. Waiting to date? I hope so, too, but mine never did, and I know she would have benefited greatly had she given herself some time.

Intense Guy said...

I hope everyone involved can move on to a better place. This "setup" didn't seem to have the best foundation(s).

Bobbi and Gracie said...

Hi Betty. As I read your post for today, I am thinking of my own son and how he got involved with a girl who I didn't feel was the right one for him. She was sweet, kind, personable... all those good things... but the two of them bring out the worse in each other. They now have 2 children together, my grandsons, whom I adore... and they are still 'together' but not married. I pray for them and know that God is in control... but often wonder what will evolve from where they are today. I do know that if we pray hard enough and consistently, that He will hear and answer our prayers. I am so sorry that you did not have closure, but maybe God will put her in your path some day and you can then say goodbye. I feel badly for the little one... I'm sure your son will miss having her in his life as well. But as you know, everything happens for a reason....

LynnMarie said...

The kids always get hurt don't they? That is what is so sad these days. The kids don't fully understand at all about what is happening or why. I hope she explaines it to the little girl. As you know all things work out for those who trust God and are called to His purpose. I hope your son finds a girl without children so no one but adults get hurt.

Linda said...

"Breaking up is hard to do" and not just for the couple. Like your attitude, keep trusting in God.

netablogs said...

Yes, it's hard sometimes, being a parent. We love our kids so much.. that it really hurts when they are hurting. Hugs!

Renegades said...

Breakups seem to effect everyone. It seems to be especially hard when someone you know just drops out of your life because of a breakup that in reality you had nothing to do with.

Hollie said...

I can TOTALLY relate to this!! I know what you mean about wanting God's best for them!! I feel the same way about Colt!! Help me pray for God's best for him also in a mate!! I have been going through pictures of the past year and a half....wondering what I'm supposed to do with the ones of her being in the pictures...I don't want to throw them away but on the other hand I don't want to see them either. So, I'm just sticking them away for now!!

Know that I'm praying for you all!!

Karen said...

Nice to see your back to blogging!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

It is never easy and I'm sorry you didn't get to have closer. Praying that he can find someone who is really good for him. I also feel very sad for the little girls. I will keep her in my prayers.

Marianne said...

Oh gosh, this is such a complex situation. I will add to the prayers and love to you!

Mevely317 said...

You're right ... the real casualty here is the child. Thankfully, I suppose children are resilient; I can only pray her mother doesn't make it a habit to introduce more "daddies" along the way until she's certain.
Time is a great healer, but isn't it such a darn slow-poke when one is trying to pave a new future?
Prayers!
Myra

Juli said...

Can you send her a text or email? I was married for 9 years and it took my ex-MIL YEARS before she ever called. She missed out on so may things with her grandsons because she was too afraid of being rejected, she didn't even try.

Now she knows she can call, but doesn't. (But that's not on me.)

Maybe you could just write a letter and send it.

Ceil said...

Hi Betty! I am coming over from netablogs.

I can really relate to your wanting closure and to say goodbye to the ex-girlfriend. It's hard to deny that you had a relationship, and now it's gone. I think your prayer is such a good one. It's really just a restatement of 'thy will be done'. And as you said, God decided they were not meant for each other. (You did too!)

Prayers to you for healing. Your son's healing too.
So nice to meet you today :)
Ceil

Verna Lantz said...

Hard being a momma and let them make their own decisions. I am not looking forward to the role of advisor instead of fixer. Prayers for y'all.

SweetMarie said...

I feel for all involved. :) Hope you get a chance to speak with her again.
hugs,
Marie

Linda :) said...

I can relate to this entry from both sides... first when I divorced son1's father, we got back together three times, once after the divorce was final even, but that was his third strike and he was out... I could have even met hubby earlier but I was seeing the ex for the last time... and son1 had several girlfriends growing up to the extent that he lived with one for over two years right out of high school... and they had the cell phone dilemma too, that her mother ended up figuring out for them... and I'm sorry to say I did not like this girlfriend but it was up to them to figure out their relationship, which he thankfully did... and then he was with DIL for three years and they have now been married for almost a whole year come October... and I really like her... they are great together... so keep doing what you do best for your son, praying, and it will all work out in God's plan... :)