a bench with a view

a bench with a view

Friday, July 27, 2012

mirror, mirror

Son and hubby and me can be like two ships passing in the night. There are days he is around and we see him, share a meal or two with him, then there are blocks of time we don't see him. We know he's home because his door is closed, but we don't know what time he came in (always later than we expected) and sometimes (especially Sunday mornings) we are gone before he stirs and heads out the door.

Sometimes we have to communicate with him, leave him a little note "don't forget, you need to get the car smogged, due this week", "here's your car registration, insurance card, whatever". Or "leftovers in the fridge, help yourself".

Our system, it seems like it works too, is to leave a note on the bathroom mirror in his bathroom. Leaving a note with money attached seems to work out the best (money is usually for work he has done around the house :). Notes that involve food are effective too (as evidenced with dirty dishes in the dishwasher the following day).

Of course I do realize the notes are usually one sided. I leave them, he reads them. He takes the money, eats the food, gets the car smogged, whatever. I rarely get a note back. Perhaps because he's not sure where to leave it?

Are we the only ones that communicate in such a way?

(thanks for all your kind words about hubby's/brother's song; he read them all and said thanks too; may you all have a great weekend)

35 comments:

JosephAlsarraf said...

No but, I understand the passing ship reference our house is the same way. Especially with my brother we usually just look at each other, then he's out the door, drives, comes home, eats, more looking at each other then he goes back to sleep. That's an interesting way to communicate!
: )

Rob-bear said...

Sometimes happens around our place, too, when I'm really tired. A temporary measure when my wife is out and needs to have something done, or lets me know what happens next.

A communication system which we rarely need to use. We both prefer face-to-face.

Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous said...

LOL! My brother and I have been conducting a conversation through chat messages left when the other is offline. It's been going on for about three weeks now.

Shelly said...

I understand when they reach a certain age, it is like that in a lot of cases. Thankfully, it does get better!

Godsgalnj said...

It happens here sometimes, too. We leave notes on the whiteboard in the kitchen, or on post-it notes in various places. I hope that one day he surprises you with a note back :)

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I guess I was always fortunate that when the babes were home I'd usually see them for meal time. Even when I was working I'd have dinner on the table every evening for them. That's been many years ago though and now a lot of what I hear from many of them is a phone call now and then. We do what we have to it seems. I'm of a mind set that no news is good news and let it be at that. Hope your Friday is a fantastic one!

Hollie said...

I know what thats like also. At least we know they are okay.

Blondee said...

What does it mean to get the car smogged? I've never heard of that!

I am sure he appreciates your notes. I write notes to my kids all the time and we are not passing ships. I just get a kick out of them writing back, especially the girly. She has Asperger's and you never know what she will say back. :) If I were you, even though your son is older, I'd be tempted to write 'WRITE BACK!' and see what he does. lol

Have a blessed day!

Jeanie said...

Doc and I leave notes sometimes, usually on the door coming in from the garage and usually about Dodger....like "I have Dodger with me" or "Dodger needs to be picked up from doggy day care at 4 p.m." or "I have already fed Dodger".
We have never left money for each other though. :)

Brenda Youngerman said...

Oh definitely... you are not the only one that communicates this way. Before Michelle got married and she lived with me her door was ALWAYS closed. We would have dinner together... maybe... but that was about it. I used to write her long letters and slide them under her door.
Now... with Trixy here.... her door is open if she is home. We seem to do best by texting each other if one of us is at work....


I just read a bunch of your past posts and I want you to know how much I really Love having you as a friend.... I know we haven't spoken (emailed) in a while, but I do know that you are here if I need you!

<3

Red said...

Oh you are not alone on this one! We communicated with our kids mostly through notes left on bathroom sinks and the white board in the kitchen for years. My son played water polo and was out the door to practice before we even got up for work. It was rare we caught him actually in the house, out of his room. One thing we did do that made a difference was when we were together we never lectured. We just caught up and had fun with one another.

Loved the song!!!

Jennifer Forbes said...

I wish!! My kids were always up my butt. But then again I remember passing a few notes here and there during baseball season way back when..

Now the nest is empty and we're enjoying the solitude.

Would love to know what getting the car smogged is??

Lynn Proctor said...

life tends to be that way at least in certain seasons--have a wonderful weekend :)

Deanna said...

Jim leaves me notes on the butcher block. "I took the dog out" is usually the note he leaves. I think most families text to each other now. Since it is only the two of us here, we usually just talk ;)

It is amazing, though, the power of money and food.

jack69 said...

Ahhhh shucks you have reached the 21st century of parenting. hahahahah

Love the entry, fits so many of us today. Well not us anymore since she is always in view at least 98% of the time and I can read her lips!!!!!

Have a great weekend, one day the notes will be answered with, "Thanks for all the notes, they kept me going".

Caroline said...

I know sometimes it is like that for us. School , hubby's work sometimes he just eats & sleeps & works. I know times I feel like a single parent but we do little things just to let each other know we are all good.
Have a great weekend.

Funny in My Mind said...

I do leave notes but texts are more effective, then they can't really argue.

gracies tough journey said...

LOL, God we love our sons. I usually text my son. Sometimes I get a nasty text back with a !!. I text back to him and say "dont yell at me".

Have a blessed weekend!

Toriz said...

I leave hubby notes if I'm on a weird sleeping schedule and need him to remember to do something when he gets up. I used to lave them on his keyboard, since pretty much the first thing he does in the morning is to check his e-mail, but now - since I obviously can't do that- I e-mail him.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Nice view! No you are not the only ones. We do that often with Amber & Dylan living here! Have a nice weekend.

Dee said...

It's pretty normal...just as long as you communicate.:)









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Martha said...

I can totally relate to this Betty. Sometimes it seems I go a week without seeing my oldest son in person even though we live in the same house. He's sleeping when I leave for work and he's off to work and then out for the evening by the time I get I get home. I'm fast asleep by the time he gets home at night. I'm grateful for the little bits of time we sometimes catch on the weekends!

Chatty Crone said...

I do believe that is normal in a lot of homes. Every one has to work out a system that works for them - you know what I mean? I think that is good he takes the time to read them! lol

sandie

TARYTERRE said...

I am sorry I missed the song??? As for your communication with your son. Been there, done that with the younger daughter. We used a DRY ERASE BOARD. LOL But you're right the money, groceries, whatever were gone in a flash. Would have appreciated a THANK YOU. But??? Take solace in fact you are not alone. take care.

Marianne said...

This brings me back to high school when my mom was working 3-11 pm as a nurse. All the communication back & forth between the 4 kids & her was done via Post-It notes. I must say: the mother-daughter blow-outs were greatly diminished during this time. And nobody got pregnant or did drugs. The power of the Post-It.

SweetMarie said...

Oh I can see that coming in our house. LOL Our son is only sixteen, but I can tell. :) Money and food always gets his attention as well. Also, anything to do with his car. LOL! Have a great weekend Betty!

Lynda said...

If it works for you all and there is not tension in the house, then it is good. Children don't realize how much we love them and want to spend time in their company. Plus, it seems a lot of the younger generation don't think they have to respond as long as they do what they are supposed to. We encounter this a lot at work. I'm not saying it's right but your son is not the only one not communicating.

LL Cool Joe said...

Thank you for visiting my blog, I do understand what you mean, sometimes life can be tough. Try to find some time where you can be together, we all need that.

Juli said...

We leave notes all over the house.

Sadly, I leave a lot of them for myself...

Danielle L Zecher said...

My schedule and my husband's don't always line up very well, so there are times during the month when we communicate largely via email and notes. He's more likely to send me an email because I usually check mine through out the day, and I'm more likely to leave him a note in the bathroom, where I know he'll find it. It's not a great system, but it works for the days when our schedules are totally opposite.

Tami said...

Having an adult child back at home would have to be trying at times. Sounds like you're doing well at letting him live separately yet making him have some responsibility.

My only suggestion for communication would be one that worked for a friend of mine who tended to be a night owl and was married to a morning person.

They had a notebook that they left in an assigned spot and she wrote things late at night that she needed him to see before he left in the morning (while she was still sleeping) and he wrote back his response for her to read later. Perhaps having a notebook and an agree-on spot to put notes would make him at least jot a "thanks" response?

Intense Guy said...

My mom's handwritting is so bad I lived in fear of getting her notes! She would leave them for me so I could start cooking dinner after school was over, she would be attending a collage class and my Dad worked late most evenings.

I once made spaghetti with meatballs instead of what my mother wrote "s(har)p cheese, ham burger and tie macroni."

I often wrote notes back in "fake bulgarian" e.g., Аз не разбирам какво сте написали!

Living Life said...

IN today's texting world and with my teenage daughters, that is our primary form of communication - - although, it is often "one-sided".

Marianne said...

Hey Corgi! When you get a chance can you email me at mostlymarianne@gmail.com. Have a quick question for you!

Jane said...

Ha! We're big on texting the kids. They always are in their rooms with the door shut and earbuds in. When it's time for dinner, I text them and the doors open with the sound of feet running down the stairs for food :)

Have a great weekend!