Most of you know that son moved back in with us this past January after a year of being on his own. Mind you, he is 23 years old. It is fun having him back; he's more mature than he was when he left and carries himself with more confidence. He lost a lot of that "its not cool to be around your parents" that he had when he was in his teens and shortly after high school and actually goes on walks with us with Koda, enjoys helping around the house, having dinner with us, etc. People have commented that they have enjoyed the relationships they have with their adult children and I can honestly say I do enjoy this stage, especially after those turbulent teen years.
We're still getting used to each other with him being here. He's a night owl, we are early birds (actually I'm the early bird, hubby would be a night owl if he didn't work hard not to be one) so often son is settling in for the night when we are getting up to go to the gym. He's pretty considerate when he comes home late, tries to be as quiet as he can. He cleans up after himself, does his own laundry, helps with chores around the house (okay have to admit we do pay him to do some around here, but it is a win-win situation in that things get done and he gets some spending money). He's about 30% on texting us if he's not going to make it home that night; we don't care (well we do but we don't ask) where he is at, but we do ask if he's not coming home to let us know so we don't wonder if something happened to him. He's still hit and miss about that (mostly miss).
I find myself though going back to those days when he was under 18 and I tend to mother him more than I should. Mind you, he lived a year on his own, kept his own schedule, fed himself, got himself to places on time, etc., but now that he is back under my roof, I'm thinking it is my responsibility to make sure he gets up in time for work (he's been doing a great job on his own without me). I fret and worry; will he get up? will he be late? (he did have a habit before of not getting up in time and always running late). Now he is up in plenty of time and out the door in plenty of time, but old habits and thoughts are hard to die so I'm always wondering, worrying, on the days he works.
Then I'm always saying "have you eaten today, are you hungry", "make sure you drink enough water" etc., etc., etc. Its hard to step back and not be the mom in charge.
It is also hard when he leaves to go some place and he calls "bye, love you" to not stop him and inquire "where are you going", "who will you be with" "what time will you be home" like I used to when he was under 18. Of course when I leave and he's still home, I always tell him where I'm going "to the store" "walking Koda" whatever and an approximate time I'll be back.
And I have to say there's been a few nights when he wasn't home when I thought he should be that I will lie awake and wonder "where the heck are you" and "what kind of trouble are you in" and wondering if the phone will ring with the police on the other end or the hospital emergency room. I pray and try not to worry, but I end up worrying much more than I should.....It is always with relief and a thanks to God when I hear his car pull in the driveway or him quietly opening the door. I know other parents I have talked to feel the same way with their young adult children. It is always easier when they didn't live at home to not worry as much as when they did live at home.
It is a delicate balance I play. I feign disinterest a lot when I'm so curious with what is going on with him, relationships, etc., yet I know if I ask him outright he'll clam up. I just have to wait until he talks and just trust in his judgment and of course trust in God.
So tonight he is heading out the door; I know he's out for a "night on the town" by how he is dressed. He says "going to go out to get a bite to eat". I say "have fun, be careful". He says "I will". It is a bit of a cool night here, he's in a tee-shirt and a pair of jeans.
So what do I say "think you'll be warm enough, should you take a coat with you??"........
I don't know, am I the only mom in such a situation that feels like this?