Honestly, I have mixed feelings about Mother's Day. Some years I was elated about it, some years it was downright painful, most years I probably didn't honor my mom like I should have on the day, these days if my family remembers it, that's great, if they don't, that's okay too.
Growing up, my mom never wanted much, if any, recognition on Mother's Day. She said on several occasions that she wanted to be appreciated every day of the year, not just on one day set aside for it. I know there were a lot of times we didn't appreciate her efforts; we were young, we were self centered, we truly didn't grasp the burdens she carried as a young widow raising three children alone.
As I grow into young adulthood, I do remember appreciating my mom more and celebrating Mother's Day with a card and a thank you, not much in the way of celebrating with gifts or flowers or a dinner out.
Got married, juggled to celebrate Mother's Days between our two sets of moms. Then came the year that I desperately wanted to be a mom but infertility was stopping that to be a reality. Mother's Day suddenly became an ominous date on the calendar, something I wanted to avoid, but who can avoid it when it is advertised in any and all media available at the time. Its hard to hear "Happy Mother's Day" when you so want to be a mother. Its hard to sit through a church service that babies are being dedicated when you just want to have one of those to hold and love yourself. You are happy for the parents up there, but you still covet so much what you cannot have.
My first Mother's Day as a mom through adoption, but still a mom, I wanted to celebrate in abundance; dinner out, my daughter and me in matching outfits. I wanted the whole world to know I was finally a mom. I had achieved what seemed to be the impossible after so much time of waiting.
Enjoyed the rest of the Mother's Days, maybe a dinner out, maybe family would make dinner for me, maybe if we were living close to our moms we saw them on Mother's Day and celebrated together, if not a card in the mail, maybe or maybe not a call to them on that day. Always liked the cards made by the kids at school or other special art projects to honor moms.
Then 2006 hit, 12/13/2006 to be exact. The inevitable happened, expected, but totally in denial about it. My mom died. She lived a long full life, lived to 85, but she was gone. No more celebrations, no more hearing her voice, no more experiencing her incredible love for her children. I know I will see her again for all of eternity and I'm so thankful God gave her to me to be my mom, but she's dead, I'm alive and I am missing her soooooo terribly much.
Mother's Day 2007 is coming. I see the advertisements, I see the cards at the store. My throat chokes, I want it all to be over, all to be done, I want nothing to do with it. Can I crawl under a rock and emerge the Monday afterwards? In reality I can't. I'm working mom and a mom of a high school senior, turbulent times. I can't run away and hide.
I cry through the whole church service.
Later in the day hubby and son will take me out to dinner.We'll have a wonderful time; I get to sit in the front of son's Cadillac; I'm catered to. I'm loved and appreciated. Though I always know I am loved and appreciated; they may not say it in so many words, but I do know how they feel.
I settle back to a new routine. My mom's gone, she isn't coming back, I will always miss her, she was a great mom. I go along with hubby to celebrate his mom on Mother's Day. I stand aside while he looks for cards for her. I say "Happy Mother's Day" to her and wish her well as I miss my mom. I accept other family members "Happy Mother's Day" sentiments to me somewhat graciously but I'm not their mom and do they really know how I succeeded or didn't succeed as a mom? Do they know any of our family dynamics, what we experienced, what we lived through, how faithful God was through it all?
And now this year, 2012. Its a new routine. 11/16/2011 hubby experienced the inevitable. His precious, much loved mom died, having lived a full life at the age of 85.
This is his first Mother's Day without a living mother. I know it will be a hard day for him. I'm like "its okay, we won't celebrate it, what do you want to do?" He already has seen it tugging at his heart. He sees the cards.........he knows he won't be searching for the right one to buy.......he knows it will be a difficult day.......
Enter son. So much going on in his life, one day I may update it all, let me just say all is going well and thank you Lord for your faithfulness. Son won't be in town come Mother's Day. So we celebrated it early tonight, delicious dinner at Phil's BBQ. Sort of spur at the moment, planned to go but sitting down doing a toast, I say "we'll make this an early Mother's Day celebration". All agree. It doesn't matter what day it is on the calendar, we are together, enjoying a meal and each other's companionship.
Enter niece. My sweet so wonderful niece. Had lunch with her today. She invited us to their Mother's Day celebration come Sunday afternoon. Of course we will go.
I will remember always my mom; I will love her always.
Hubby will remember his mom; he will love her always.
Son loves me always; he doesn't need a special day to tell me that. He says it every time he leaves the house or every time we hang up the phone.
Mother's Day is a hard one; I have mixed feelings about it. Be kind and gentle to each other come Sunday. Some will be grieving, some will be sad, some will be ecstatic, some will be in labor, some will hurt, some will be so happy.
I do have mixed feelings about Mother's Day.